Together | The Vision, Part 2
“I was just excited to get to ‘spend time’ with this amazing group of people that I definitely wouldn’t have been able to get to know otherwise...”
Over the next few weeks, we are taking a deep dive into our vision as a church through a series of blogs about each aspect of the vision. Our vision at Summit is to form biblically functioning communities that reach lost people, connect in Christ-centered relationships, teach truth, serve others, and worship God. Today, we’re looking at the second aspect—connecting in Christ-centered relationships.
I was so excited to hear from Kailey Newkirk, Julia Kaplan, and Laura Freeland about their virtual Connect group that formed after staying at home became the norm earlier this year. What could seem on the surface as an obstacle became for them what made it easy to “meet” together. And this being together, in prayer and in community, became so sweet in the hard months of this year.
So let’s get to know them and see what they have to share.
Who are you? Introduce yourselves!
Kailey: I’m Kailey! I’ve been on staff here since 2008. I started out watering the plants and doing part-time bookkeeping, and now I’m a teaching minister.
Julia: I’m Julia! I’ve been a Summit intern, Base Camp large group coordinator, and now Herndon hospitality coordinator. I’m left-handed. I used to dance flamenco.
Laura: I’m Laura! I’m the Herndon student ministries coordinator. I don’t drink enough water. My daughters are the most premature twins to ever both be discharged from the largest NICU in the country.
When did you start being a part of this Connect group and what led up to you joining?
Kailey: Our group met for the first time on April 23rd. After the pandemic hit, my husband Rob and I talked about how we just missed having people to pray with regularly. So we asked a few folks if they’d be interested in doing a prayer group. So I guess we’re a bit different than a traditional Summit Connect group because we don’t hit all the bullet points that connect groups usually do. I had some really ambitious goals for our first couple of meetings, and yeah—they weren’t happening. (LOL.) But we were really committed to keeping the group to one hour. Most of us have little kids, so we can’t really get started until 8:30 p.m. when they are in bed. And looking at screens past 9:30 p.m. seemed like a bad idea. Especially with everyone on Zoom all day now. It’s just too much. So I’d say we’re mostly a prayer group. We have just enough time for everyone to share what’s happening in their life, what we can pray for, and for us to actually use the time to pray together, instead of putting that off to the last minute of the group.
Julia: Kailey reached out to me and Michael about joining a group during quarantine with mixed ages and mixed levels of wisdom. We were on the low end of both of those things, about to have our third baby, and in full quarantine mode, so we thought, “Let’s join!” We didn’t realize at the time what a gift that one hour would become.
Laura: When Kailey asked us to be a part of this group and told us who else she had invited, I wondered how we got invited to a group with such awesome people. Our lives were a disaster at the time, with both of our twins in the NICU still, and it would have been really easy to say no. But we knew we needed it more than ever.
What was the first thing you thought when you logged on for the first virtual meeting? What were your expectations? How did the meeting live up to or differ from those expectations?
Kailey: Ha. Like I mentioned, I had a lot of things planned for meeting one (and probably meeting two). But it became apparent that we were not going to get to all of it. Or—if we DID get to all of it—it would actually not foster connection in the group. It would have been more like a class. So I’m really grateful we went the direction we did, with prayer as the focus.
Julia: I was sooooo excited to see other people! Like any new group, you just want it to be a good fit. I didn’t have many expectations other than to get to know other couples as a couple. (It’s the first group my husband and I got to do together.)
Laura: I was just excited to get to “spend time” with this amazing group of people that I definitely wouldn’t have been able to get to know otherwise—I didn’t care what we covered as long as we got to know each other. I was grateful that Kailey and Rob were super flexible in their idea of what the group should look like because a prayer group was exactly what I needed.
Had you been in an in-person Connect group (together or not) before and if so, how did this experience compare in regards to sharing, fellowship, authenticity/vulnerability, and convenience?
Kailey: I’ve been in a few connect groups over the years. It’s definitely different—even small things: like you have to unmute yourself before talking. It can feel challenging at first, but we all got the hang of it. LWM (laughing while muted) is a thing that happens a lot in our group! I feel like we had a pretty high degree of vulnerability from day one, but a lot of us had existing friendships when we joined. The one thing that is WAY better (that honestly took me by surprise) is that it’s so easy to have group with kids right now. We’ve struggled to get into a group again since our daughter was born, because there’s so many obstacles with times and childcare, etc. Being online, it’s like—oh yeah! We don’t need a sitter! I can wear my pajamas! I don’t need to bring food to share! (On an unrelated note, my husband, for whatever reason, gets really hungry every week before group. So for the first five minutes, he positions the camera so it’s only me on screen and nobody can see him mawing down on his Adele’s Chicken Apple Sausage.)
Julia: I’ve been a part of a couple different groups at Summit, and like Laura shares, this is totally different in the best way! Due to its virtual roots, real life finds its way of fitting in. It’s like being in everyone’s homes together, at the same time. Seeing kids dodge bedtimes, feeding babies, or tiny special guests popping in to say hello. I think it adds to the openness of the group in a way that couldn’t happen in person.
Laura: I’ve been a part of two different Connect groups at Summit, and this is totally different … and in the best way. Our time together is very intentional. It’s easier to keep things to an hour, which is the most we can really do with two tiny babies needing our attention. And we have the benefit of muting ourselves when those tiny babies are losing their minds.
Have you been able to build new relationships through this group? Or have you connected deeper with older/already established relationships?
Kailey: It’s a mix of both for me. I was at least acquainted with everyone in the group, but I had actual friendships with a few as well. So it’s been so fun to get to know the people I only knew at a distance and fun to get to know some friends a bit better. Because we’re focused on prayer, I feel like we’ve gotten pretty deep pretty fast. With all the pandemic stress and school-at-home stress and work stress lingering in the background, none of us want to waste any offered prayers on trivial things—so we usually come right out of the gate with, “I’m being mean to my husband because I’m facilitating distance learning and trying to do my other full time job!” (Purely hypothetical example.)
Julia: I had at least one connection to each couple in the group, but the depth of relationship with every single person is what has formed because of this group. Being focused on prayer and setting up each meeting with a “warm-up” question has set the stage for raw, honest, funny, hard, and insightful conversations each week.
Laura: It was also a mix of both for me. I knew—or knew of—almost everyone in the group, but the depth of relationship didn’t exist until this group. I, like Kailey, feel like because our group is focused on prayer—and it was during such a hard season of my life—things got deep fast. I’m pretty sure I was already crying by the end of the first meeting.
“Being focused on prayer and setting up each meeting with a ‘warm-up’ question has set the stage for raw, honest, funny, hard, and insightful conversations each week.”
Tell us about where the group is now. Do you still meet regularly and have you been able to connect in person?
Kailey: We met in person for the first time near the end of August! We actually met in the Summit parking lot, and we pulled our cars into a circle with the trunks all facing in. We ate food, and laughed, and yelled greetings at each other across the circle. And as much as social distancing in a parking lot doesn’t feel as intimate as gathering around a dinner table, it was gloriously fun after only seeing heads on a screen.
Julia: We still meet and have started meeting in person (yay!). As my husband shared with me after the first get together, “I feel like I’ve known these people for years and we’ve only just met for the first time in person.”
Laura: We finally connected in person and it was our first social event since December of 2019, so it was pretty much the best thing ever. When we finally met in person, I could feel the depth of relationship we have built over the last five months. It was awesome.
How has this group helped you stay connected in Christ-centered relationships?
Kailey: Honestly, our group is how I feel most connected to the church right now. Since we’re not doing in person services yet, I don’t see other congregants like I used to every week. I don’t have conversations at the coffee bar or after a sermon. If I hear from anybody, it’s words on a screen, and it’s easy to feel disconnected. So this has been a true gift to me. It has kept me “a part” of the church while I also work for the church.
Julia: This group has kept me connected to church. Sundays look so different now; church is usually listened to on a weeknight via podcast while cooking dinner. Pre-pandemic, because of my role, church was difficult to attend as a family and Connect groups were never possible to do together (childcare, time, etc.). This group has given us a way to plug back in together, literally and figuratively. I have so loved that Michael and I have a place to pray for and with some pretty great people!
Laura: Without this group, I would be completely disconnected from the church. Between maternity leave from my job at Summit and the impossibility of taking two babies out at all—let alone during a pandemic—I could have ended up very isolated, and instead I ended up with a group of amazing people who I have the privilege to pray with and pray for.
What else should we know about your group?
Kailey: One of my favorite things we do are “warm up” questions. It’s the first thing we do when we sign on—and it feels important because it’s hard to immediately feel like chatting when it’s just heads on screens. So they are fun and get us loosened up a bit. And I feel like I’ve learned a wealth of wonderful and hilarious things about my group mates that I never would have found out otherwise—maybe not even in a traditional Connect group. For example, without naming names, we have some folks who breakdance, some who have done flamenco dancing on tables, some who salsa, some who have worn sequin vests for singing events—a lot of dancing. And it’s NOT just the women. LOL.
Julia: Ditto to what Kailey said. The "warm-up" questions have started some great conversations, and with spouses present, no hilarious detail is missed. Also, I am surprised with the depth of relationship that's formed through an online group and hope to continue meeting virtually long after we don't have to.
Laura: There is definitely a lot to be said for what it feels like to be together in person, but what I have loved about meeting virtually is that it takes away almost every barrier to being in community.
God uses the people in our lives to help shape us into who he has created us to be. Joining a Connect group is a great way to meet more people and grow in Christ-centered community with others. If you’d like to learn more, click here!
Another great way to connect in Christ-centered relationships is being a part of a house church. On Vision Sunday, we heard about how we can continue to be the Church together in this season this way. A house church is a community of folks who gather to participate in our online services together. If you are currently leading, are interested in leading, or would like to see if there is a house church near you to worship with, let us know!