A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to talk with Eddy and Giselle Moratin. Their names had come up again and again as a couple who ring in the new year with clarity and purpose and, after our conversation, I understand why. Their commitment to their marriage came across with such energy, and their practical wisdom for building a solid foundation for their year is something that I believe every family should hear. I’m so excited to share their insights with you...

Can you explain what it is you do to begin each year, and how your tradition started?

Eddy: When we first met, we knew so many marriages that were in trouble. We noticed that most were marriages divided, where couples were competing over resources, time, love, and attention... Our dream for our marriage was to be one team, winning or losing together. But I knew it wasn’t going to happen by accident.

Giselle: Every year we find ways to invest in our marriage. One part of that is going away for several days to the beach together early in the year.

Eddy: We usually go on MLK weekend, because the goal is to meet early enough to have a full year to reflect on, and late enough after the holidays to have some quiet time to be still and think about the future. I put together an agenda, but we don’t spend each full day on it. Most of the weekend is focused on resting and enjoying time together. But having the agenda is helpful because we know that at some point during the day, we’ll have a conversation on a specific topic for a couple of hours.

Walk us through the process – What happens on day one?

Eddy: The first day is a day of reflection, thanking God for his faithfulness in the year prior. We each write what we’re grateful for in a journal, and then we sit down together and share our lists.

Giselle: I love reflecting on all that God did in the previous year. It's so sweet to see it written down....

Eddy: ...Pages and pages and pages of things we often take for granted.

What does the second day look like?

Eddy: On the second day we talk about goals, all the dreams that have been cooking up in our hearts that we haven’t had time to share about in the day-to-day.

Giselle: In years past, we'd have so many goals it was unrealistic. In recent years, we started streamlining, which makes it a bit easier throughout the year.

Eddy: We have four categories, and we each write eight goals in total:

Faith: goals for our relationships with God and with others
Family: goals for our marriage and home
Fitness: goals for our mental and emotional wellness and physical health
Finance: professional goals and personal finance goals.

Giselle: Once we’ve come up with our goals, then we start figuring out how we can work together. Sometimes our goals are really similar, sometimes they are totally different.

What do you do when your goals are different?

Eddy: Being a team doesn’t mean our goals will be the same. I want to know what her dreams are, what things she cares about, and how God is leading her as an individual person. Then, as a team, we ask: How do we support each other? Each goal we choose is potentially a trade-off. There’s often a conversation about what it will cost to pursue a particular goal. Maybe I had something else in mind, but if I want to support her goal, my expectation may need to change or be postponed.

Giselle: Sometimes we’ll have a goal and decide it may not be for this year. For me, as a mom, homeschooling half of the time, I have to ask: How much time do I really have to work on projects that are on my heart? It may need to be a goal for when the kids are older. But Eddy can get so excited about my goals, and it’s fun to share and encourage each other.

After you set your goals, what do you do on day three?

Eddy: On the third day we look at our time, money, and relationships. When we talk about time, we’re asking: What are the important plans we want to make? Then we can schedule those dates as off-limits. For instance, every year we plan ahead to do something for our marriage by going to a retreat together.

As far as money goes, that’s usually more of a real-time budget conversation for us. But annually, we ask: What happened last year, and what do we see God doing this year? We want to sync up so it’s not just one person taking on all the financial stress.

When we talk about relationships, we take an inventory of the people we spend the most time with. It’s so meaningful to write down the names of the people who are important to us, and find that some names appear year after year. And there’s also the sadness of discovering that we have outgrown certain relationships; usually, it’s not that they're bad or toxic, but that we’re moving in different directions. There are some real grown-up decisions it forces us to make. We ask the tough question: Who do we need to be spending less time with? We want to make room for the people we want to invest in, or who we want to learn from. It's a time for prioritizing.

Giselle: And when we talk about those relationships, now that our kids are 9 and 11, we are also considering who we want our kids to spend more time with: Who are people who are role models for them? Increasingly, these need to be like-minded people who are older than them but younger than us, since that age group is the source of all wisdom in their minds. Thank God for Summit’s Base Camp and Student Ministry volunteers!

What would you say to families who want to start a similar rhythm for their new year?

Eddy: Just make it a priority and you’ll find a way to make it happen. One year, we’d gone through some struggles in our business, and we couldn’t afford to stay anywhere. So we literally planned a weekend where we went to different coffee shops in town and had coffee and loitered there as long as we could while we went through the agenda points. Then later we watched a movie at home. Other times we’ve taken someone up on the offer to use their place at the beach.

You can find creative ways to do it. It doesn’t have to be glamorous, it doesn’t have to be a major investment, but it is worth investing in.

What advice would you give to a family that looks different than yours, for instance a single parent or caregiver?

Eddy: I think the process is applicable for any parent! We all experience the craziness of life, and need a chance to stop and intentionally think about the coming year. The underlying stress of wondering what you’re not prepared for creates a creaky foundation that all the other stress piles on top of. It can make you go insane. This process helps you lay a firm foundation so you can be a more level-headed parent.

Giselle: The itinerary can be the same: taking time to reflect on what you are grateful for, your goals, and your time, money, and relationships. Getting away is so important because you’re creating space to have time with the Lord and listen to him, to quiet your mind, and be in an environment where you can plan.

Eddy: It’s like on a flight, when they review the emergency procedures, and tell you to put your own mask on first before your child. You want to put your kids first, but the best way to serve your kids may be to take a weekend for yourself. And you don’t have to do it alone, you could do it with a friend, or another parent.

How do you see the impact of your planning weekend play out in your year and in your family?

Giselle: Often, on a date night, we’ll look back at our notes, and ask: What did we plan that we haven’t done yet? It’s a good rhythm throughout the year to look back and reflect on that weekend.

Eddy: And I believe our commitment to the weekend shows our kids that their parents are in love with each other, that we have a solid relationship. My sense is that it’s too early for our kids to have any discernible appreciation for it yet, but they’re better off because we have a better marriage.

Anything else you’d like to share?

Giselle: Well, Eddy makes it sound like we’re the perfect couple.

Eddy: Go ahead, tell them the rest of it.

Giselle: All he’s said about being in love and enjoying time together, that’s easy when you're away and you don't have chores or a job, but that’s why it’s important. I realize how much I like him when I don’t have 5,000 things to do. Because honestly, Monday through Friday, when he's working all the time and I'm stressing about homeschool, we don’t always love each other well.

Eddy: There’s a lost art to just hanging out with the most important person in your life. We set our goals so that the sweet feeling doesn't just last for the weekend but yields a long term benefit over the year. We can make decisions about time, people, and money when we’re in a good, emotionally healthy place; not stressed out on a Tuesday night. This helps us prevent that scenario as much as possible. It gives us a fighting chance.

Thank you so much, Eddy and Giselle, for sharing your wisdom with us!

Eddy and Giselle Moratin have been part of Summit Church since 2009. This year, they're celebrating 17 years of marriage, and are passionate about strong families and strong communities. In addition to serving on Summit's Governing Board, Eddy is the President of LIFT Orlando, bringing business leaders, residents and community partners together for neighborhood revitalization. Giselle provides career coaching through her role as an Adjunct Professor at Valencia College. She also home schools part-time and enjoys leading a Holy Yoga ministry. As a family, they love cooking, serving and traveling together!

One Team: an Interview with Eddy & Giselle Moratin